Sunday, August 27, 2006

Snakes on The Tuna

"Snakes On a Plane" may be a hilarious movie, it may be an awful movie, it doesn't matter. It points us in a new direction of movie titles, where instead of symbolic bullshit, we get a very simple declarative sentence and/or phrase that says what the movie is about.

Very few film genres suffer from overblown titles like Sports Movies. Obviously, sports movies can't be as general with their nouns as "Snakes on a Plane", because very quickly, we'd have thousands of movies called either "Underdogs Shockingly Win" or "Underdogs Get To the Championship and Lose".

But still, sports movie titles have rarely been as straightforward as "Snakes on a Plane" is, and while watching the Twins use their deep bullpen and timely hitting to beat the White Sox again, I was struck by this idea. What if sports movies did use this format? Noun, preposition, noun.

We'll make it a quiz, just to be more interactive. First up, the movie titles, and then the names they would have had, if Samuel Fucking Jackson had anything to say about it.

1. Chariots of Fire
2. Bagger Vance
3. Rudy
4. Victory
5. Murderball
6. Caddyshack
7. Happy Gilmore (thanks to the commentors who pointed out that I had managed to conflate two very different Adam Sandler movies)
8. Invincible
9. Field of Dreams
10. Gleaming the Cube

New titles, match them up!
a. Dicks on Boards
b. Black Dude on a Golf Course
c. White Guys Under 4 Minutes
d. Cripples on a Court
e. Ghosts in a Field
f. Schlub in Philly
g. Idiot on a Golf Course
h. Groundhog Under a Golf Course
i. Italian Stallion on a Nazi Pitch
j. Hobbit On a Quarterback.

answer key coming!


Reel Fanatic said...

Very funny stuff .. Cripples on a Court would have to be my favorite (especially since I just loved "murderball," despite that silly title)

Anonymous said...

Did you mean to mix up Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison?

Anonymous said...

The golf ball whacker guy did try to stab a guy with his skate, got his ass kicked by Bob Barker, and took 90 mph fastballs in the grill piece. I think that makes him an idiot. It is also Happy Gilmore.