I wandered in my local SA (for you effete East and West Coasters that's SuperAmerica, the midwest 7-11/Circle K) and discovered a gum I hadn't seen before.
Bubblicious' LeBron's Lightning Lemonade!
To my rather jaded eyes, the caricature isn't particularly James specific (I say that even as I credit Gray/Blackwell, the creators of the image for the photo to the left). It's just a smiley black guy with a headband.
Is the demand so high for LeBron related material that kids will actually buy Lemonade Gum, if his cartoony face on it? Or was this designed to appeal to weird, 30-something instant kitsch lovers like myself? If so, it worked. I bought a pack so I could taste test the Gum So Good that the Savior of the NBA put his face on it (kind of).
Ladies and Gentlemen (or more appropiately for this blog, Skanks and Boozehounds) I have to say that this gum is not Savior of the NBA Quality. Admittedly, I tasted it immediately following a delicious, equivalent of 2 Fruit servings and a touch of Xanthan Gum Tropicana Smoothie (we'll get a sponsor yet!) . But it seemed to me that the first few chews weren't any sort of identifiable flavor (perhaps that was the Lightning). This was followed by about 5-10 chews that were definitively not the complete opposite of Lemonade flavoring. The rest of the experience was essentially what gum always tastes like after a short while--chewing one of those wax bottles full of liquid sugar that the weird family on your block passed out on Halloween. Is it me? Did the years of smoking kill the important Gum Taste Buds? I refuse to believe the product that made me look cool in college, distracted me during my three years as a pizza driver, and made my voice so cool sounding had a hand in ruining LeBron's Gum.
On the other hand, I only tasted a little Lemonade, very little Lightning, and absolutely no LeBron. In the future, if I want to combine short-flavored gum, LeBron James, and and questionable marketing, I think I'll combine some Fruit Stripes (with free Yipes the Zebra doing sports tattoos) and those ads that pissed off China.
We here at IDYFT like to think of ourselves as hip coiners of phrases. We are neologists, dammit! So, let's define Labrubblicious--a product that has a Krusty the Klown Kwality endorsement. And, Yes, now every NASCAR driver endorsed product is suddenly Labrubblicious.