Thursday, May 03, 2007

In This Metaphor, the Cubs Are Looking to Bring Down America

I'm not a St. Louis Cardinals Fan, so I hesitate to speak for them, especially when one of them has such a powerful Talkin' Box.

However, can we all agree that some usage of Sports Metaphors are off limits? Not because they are wrong, or immoral, but just because they are irretrievably stupid?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the musings of Republican Representative from Illinois(!) John Shimkus. He delivered this special package of undiluted idiocy on the floor of our Congress:

Imagine my beloved St. Louis Cardinals are playing the much despised Chicago Cubs. The Cardinals are are up by five, finishing the top of the ninth. Is this a cause for celebration? Is this a cause for victory? No. Unbelievable as it may seem, the Cubbies score five runs in the bottom of the ninth to throw the games into extra innings. There the score remains until 1:00 AM, five innings later.

However, at the top of the 15th, the Cardinals fail to field a batter. The entire team has left the stadium. It seems that they are more worried about next day’s 1:00 PM game at home than finishing the game at hand. Who wins? We know it’s the team that stays on the field. Arbitrary deadlines and a date certain accept defeat before the conclusion of the contest. It is our national security interest that continue to take the field and support a moderate Arab state. Leaving prior assures a loss for us and victory for our opponents which will lead to another extremist Islamic state.


No really, he said that. ThinkProgress has the video.

War is like Baseball. So you see, the Cubs, just like the Iraqi Civil War, declare victory by hanging around until the visiting team goes home. Or something. If I were in a more political mood, I'd say that the more apt metaphor would be that the Cubs were winning 4-0 at the end of the nine innings, and the Cardinals held the Cubs at gunpoint and demanded to play another 6 innings. But I'm not in a political mood right now.

Of course, it hurts Representative Shimkus' metaphor that these days, the Cardinals are lucky to get to the 9th inning, much less the 15th. Zing, Will!

5 comments:

Badcock said...

Not trying to split the atom here, but to follow his analogy ... aren't we the "visiting team" in Iraq?

Jerious Norwood said...

You're never in "the mood" any more. Have I introduced you to my friend Seabass? He's an athlete, and super fun to hang out with.

By the way, in the context of this metaphor, Kerry Wood & Mark Prior are Kurds, right?

Muumuuman said...

So, Harry Caray worked for St. Louis in the sixties... then switched to the cubs in the 80's... and now he's dead. In this analogy is he... Sadam?

Badcock said...

I think HC is Paul Wolfowitz, in this scenario.

And the zamboni is world public opinion. And you know how often a zamboni is called onto a baseball field.

Muumuuman said...

I wanna drive the zamboni. Yes I do.