Timberwolves May or May Not Have a Manifesto

I understand that the Minnesota Timberwolves have a long range game plan, and it includes losing a fair number of games this year while a very very young team gains experience. But the hope is that they will be fun, hard-fought losses.

So you can imagine the visceral pain a Timberwolves fan has when they switch over to a late game against the Golden State Warriors to find that the Timberwolves are losing by 40, that Stephen Jackson somehow has 15 assists, or that the Timberwolves starters are a combined -90 in +/-, or that the team as a whole has 26 turnovers.

Brutal game. These things happen. But it is especially galling when a Timberwolves fan is watching the game, and a commercial comes on saying, essentially, "Hey, we know we aren't very good, but we have a plan," and then invites the fan to check out that plan at:

http://www.timberwolves.com/manifesto

As of right now--the image below shows that plan. Hey, look! "Content". Sweet. That inspires confidence.

Portis Injured + Larry Johnson Released = UH-OH

With Portis still a bit foggy, and reportedly questionable for Week 10, and the Chiefs wisely casting away over-the-hill pain in the ass former great Larry Johnson, it feels like one of those Dan Snyder perfect storms is brewing.

Whenever a guy who had a good career but has been ineffective lately, Snyder and buddies get all excited (Deion Sanders, anyone?). Combine that with the Portis head injury, we Drunken Savage fans have to get prepared for the very real possibility that we will have to at least attempt to cheer for Larry Johnson in the near future. I'm unexcited, to say the least. God, I Dislike MY Favorite Team.

The Twins Off-Season Manifesto: Part 2, The Blueprint

Folks who read this blog may remember The Black Freighter for his Twins predictions and analysis at the beginning of the just concluded season. He knows, on any given week, who is playing well in the Triple AAA and Double AA farm teams. It is possible he's a lunatic. And he's back with a blueprint/manifesto for what the Twins need to do this offeseason. This is part two. Part one found here.

spoiler alert: The Black Freighter predicted that the Twins would trade for J.J. Hardy during the course of the regular season last year. He was sure it had to happen, because of the inherent logic of the deal. Later on in his 2009 Off-Season Manifesto, he predicts the starting line-up for the Minnesota Twins when they take Target Field for the first time, and he's got J.J. Hardy in there at shortstop. He wrote it in a full 24 hours before the Twins pulled the trade. So there you go. The Black Freighter Knows Things. Enough! The Black Freighter Speaks:

1. Sign Joe Mauer to a contract extension.

This is probably the most obvious move the Twins have this offseason. A lot of people think Mauer will be making at least $20 million annually, but I just don’t see it because of his injury history and the fact he may have to change positions in the future. Currently Jorge Posada is the highest paid catcher at $13.1 million and I see the Twins topping that by $5 million annually. A 6-year contract worth $108.6 million should make our hometown hero plenty happy… he becomes the highest paid catcher by a large margin and is the 9^th highest paid player in baseball. If they do not sign Mauer to an extension by the end of spring training, you can kiss him goodbye.

2. Sign Placido Polanco to a 2-year, $9 million contract.

The 33-year-old 2^nd baseman hit .285 this year with 10 homeruns and 72 RBI for the Detroit Tigers. His fielding is above average and he gets on base at a 35% clip. Polanco is an ideal fit for the Twins and would slot perfectly between Denard Span and Joe Mauer.

3. Resign Joe Crede to a 1 year, $2 million contract plus incentives.

Why would the Twins resign a guy that was only able to play 90 games? Defense. Joe Crede’s glove was as good as advertised leading all 3rd baseman, who logged over 700 innings, in UZR. With 3rd baseman of the future Danny Valencia still needing some seasoning, the Twins can gamble that Crede logs a fair amount of innings on the new grass field and adds double-digit homeruns.

4. Resign Ron Mahay to a 1 year, $1 million contract.

Mahay came over to the Twins on August 28^th for a player to be named later. Mahay only logged 9 innings, but struck out 8 and allowed only 2 earned runs. Gardenhire used Mahay almost strictly as a LOOGY (Lefty One Out Guy) and it worked quite well. Jose Mijares is the only other lefty in the bullpen and he is primarily used as a set-up guy for Joe Nathan, so the Twins could certainly use a guy with Mahay’s talents.

5. Let Orlando Cabrera, Carl Pavano and Mike Redmond find greener pastures.

Cabrera was certainly an igniter for the Twins during their torrid finish, but he lacks the on base percentage in the 2-hole that Gardy reserves for him. Tack on the fact that he is stretched defensively (11 errors in 57 games with the Twins) and you have a sub-average player demanding more money than he is worth. Carl Pavano pitched admirably down the stretch, but he is not the ace this team desperately needs. On a championship-caliber team, Carl Pavano is your 4th best pitcher. The Twins are better off spending the money on a #1 or #2 guy. Mike Redmond has had a great run in Minnesota, but his skills are in decline and the Twins have a capable and younger #2 catcher in Jose Morales. Redmond was a wonderful leader in the clubhouse, but his naked batting practice will not be missed!

6. Be active in the trade market.

As I mentioned above, the Twins have some major holes to fill, but own some attractive depth players available for other teams. In part 3, I'll discuss some of the possible trades and free agents that the Twins could pursue.

Dirty Woman Soccer: Officials?

Somehow, ESPNews has found a women's college soccer game worthy of covering every 15 minutes? The reason is dirty player extraordinaire, Elizabeth Lambert of the New Mexico Lobos. She seems nice enough on her Lobo player page--anyone who loves Tacos can't be all bad.

But she was a bad defender, and a bad person against BYU. I don't know why. Maybe a Mormon killed her grandparents, or something? But the question I have, watching over a minute of Lambert acting out and violent is this--why was she still on the pitch after the hair tug? Some of her lowlights don't look that bad to me, they are the kind of thing that happens on a pitch. But between the tackle (yellow) and then the hair pull (straight red), how is she on the pitch for the face punch (yellow) and then kicking the ball into another's player's face as they lie prone on the ground (yellow)?

Where was the officiating? Generally speaking, defenders will do anything they think they can get away with. Defenders tend to be violent, brilliant sociopaths, who try to determine what the ref will and will not call. If Elizabeth Lambert can get away with a violent hair pull, why would she assume that she could not get away with everything else? Hey, soccer officials, of which there had to be at least three, and possibly four--how was this woman in the game at the end? She should have been sent off early.

Here's your video. By the by, dudes recording off their DVR--I'm unsure how this counts as a Cat-Fight. It's a dirty soccer player. That's it. Terming it a catfight is sexist in my mind. There's no fight. It's one bad actor in the mix. One dirty soccer player. Who should not have been on the pitch. Enjoy the lowlights:

Manny Ramirez Had a $20 Million Option?

Oh, Dodgers. You'll never win a post-season series that way. But you'll spend a lot of money, thus convincing folks your team must be good, despite all of your hilarious failures.

Minnesota Twins Off-Season Manifesto, Part 1: Intro

Folks who read this blog may remember The Black Freighter for his Twins predictions and analysis at the beginning of the just concluded season. He knows, on any given week, who is playing well in the Triple AAA and Double AA farm teams. It is possible he's a lunatic. And he's back with a blueprint/manifesto for what the Twins need to do this offeseason. This is part one.

spoiler alert: The Black Freighter predicted that the Twins would trade for J.J. Hardy during the course of the regular season last year. He was sure it had to happen, because of the inherent logic of the deal. Later in his 2009 Off-Season Manifesto, he predicts the starting line-up for the Minnesota Twins when they take Target Field for the first time, and he's got J.J. Hardy in there at shortstop. He wrote it in a full 24 hours before the Twins pulled the trade. So there you go. The Black Freighter Knows Things. Enough! The Black Freighter Speaks:

First of all, congrats to the New York Yankees for winning their 27th World Series. What a bunch of smug, egotistical douchebags. Take your Park Place/Boardwalk Monopoly and your totally not vain painting of Alex Rodriguez posing as a minotaur and shove it. Okay… I feel better now.

Speaking of Monopoly, the Minnesota Twins are no longer Mediterranean/ Baltic Avenue dwellers… woohoo! Moving into the completely kick ass Target Field in 2010 allows our favorite nine to build houses and hotels on par with Kentucky Avenue or Marvin Gardens. We’ll never be a New York or Boston in terms of spending, but the additional revenue from a new stadium should allow the Twins to break the $100 million barrier at some point in the next few years.

The Twins sported a $65.3 million opening day roster in 2009, but also invested heavily with international signings and the draft, pushing that payroll total above $70 million. It has been stated that the Twins will receive $15 – 20 million annually to invest in the on-field product with a new stadium, couple that with standard inflation increases and the Twins’ opening day roster may be as high as $90 million for 2010.

So with that money in hand, what do the Twins need to do to improve a team that won the Central Division? This might surprise some people, but the Twins were actually quite putrid on defense. Despite committing the second fewest amount of errors in the majors, the Twins had the third worst UZR (ultimate zone rating). Ultimate zone rating is the amount of runs a player saves or costs his team in the field versus a league average player and the Twins had a UZR of -37.3. Yikes. With a more athletic defense that can get to additional balls up the middle or bloopers in the outfield, our pitching should improve as well.

This brings me to the second item the Twins need to address… starting pitching. What was supposedly a strength for 2009, ended up being an incredible weakness. Injuries and ineffectiveness plagued nearly all starters. I can’t imagine that they pitch this poorly next season, but it is quite clear that the Twins are lacking a true ace.

Finally, the Twins have a nice problem they need to address… depth. The experiment of having 5 starting outfielders really did not work too well last year. The Twins need to make a decision regarding Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez, because both players need to start daily if they are to reach their full potential. The Twins have 8 pitchers who are viable starters in MLB: Scott Baker, Kevin Slowey, Nick Blackburn, Francisco Liriano, Brian Duensing, Glen Perkins, Jeff Manship and Anthony Swarzak. The Twins also have a wealth of bullpen arms with intriguing possibilities in the minors as well. It is time for the Twins to trade away some of this pitching depth and replenish areas that need improvement.

With those principles in mind, in part 2 I'll discuss the actual steps the Twins need to take.

What Rhymes With "Cretinous Douchebag"?

Alternatively, "The first single is 'Date Rapist Hair.'"

Those two headline jokes, taken together, can only mean one thing: JJ Redick has plans to release a hip-hop CD.

As far as I can tell, this is for real, and that JJ Redick is not kidding. You can hope that he's kidding, but that will only lead to severe disappointment later. Just accept it, and move on.

Twins Sales at the Dome

from their site:

After 28 seasons playing baseball in the Metrodome, the Twins are moving across town to their new home at Target Field. The Twins will be holding a "garage sale" in the Metrodome concourse (enter through gate F) on Saturday, November 7, 2009. Free parking will be available in the Metrodome parking lot (enter 11th Avenue & 5th Street).

---

If anyone makes it down there, pick me up some Denny Hocking memorabilia.

A Modest Proposal

Much to my chagrin the Yankees have again won The World Series, which has brought past steroid use back into media discussions. A recent news story, previous news stories, and a work of literature that I think everyone is required to read in high school (see above) has inspired me to think of a solution that should appease both players, management and fans. The solution - Mr. Syringey.

That's right. You see, I long thought the days of public humiliation as a means to punish and deter crime (or as in The Scarlet Letter adultery) were long past. Not true. Reported just this November 3rd a Pennsylvania woman and her daughter were sentenced to hold a sign stating "I stole from a 9-year-old girl on her birthday! Don't steal or this could happen to you!" outside the courtroom in exchange for no jail time. In 2003 a Mr. Gementera was sentenced (sentence upheld despite appeals) to wear a sign stating "I have stolen mail. This is my punishment" in front of the post office in San Francisco - that's right liberal old San Fran. Then there's Judge Peter Miller of Florida who has sentenced hundreds of shoplifters over the past 11 years to carry signs indicating their crime. Awesome, and inspirational.

This brings us to Mr. Syringey. Steroid use has been a black eye for almost all sports, and punishments have been either non-existent or inconsistent to say the least. It would be unfair and more importantly non-entertaining to have all these users suspended from sports. I propose that all current athletes who either admitted too or are known to have used steroids be required to wear Mr. Syringey on their uniform.



Look! It's Mr. Syringey! The athlete gets to play, but disgruntled fans, pre-steroid era athletes, and those not cheating get a little retribution. Let's see how Mr. Syringey would look on A-Rod!

Awesome! How about Giambi?



Hey! How about a Mr. Syringey for the fanny of Manny?



Great! Wow 1 in 10 ex-NFL players used steroids? Well, you get the point.

Mr. Syringey! Now we can know, punish, and just keep watching our favorite sports heroes as if nothing happened. A definate win-win!

The NFL's Dirtiest Player, As Voted by NFL Players?

In a landslide, Hines Ward.

What has the NFL become when the dirtiest player isn't just not a lineman, but a wide receiver? That's wrong, dammit.

Somewhere, Conrad Dobler is spitting in rage. Probably in some neighborhood kid's mouth. (And there, of course, the joke gets sad and real again. Dobler is 90% disabled from his years of big hitting in the NFL, and guess what entity that makes at least 8 billion dollars in revenue doesn't want to pay his medical bills?)

Christ, even my "funny" posts are turning into political invective. But I'm pretty sure it's not my fault.

Shocking News! This Dude Likes to Get High

No way, man. NO WAY!

Dan Wetzel Asks Some Questions About Don Sterling

Hey, remember when I reminded you that Donald Sterling is a dick? We here are IDYFT were not the only folks noticing. Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports also noticed, and he wants to ask some questions about the lack of response from the NBA Commish, the other owners, and players. I hope I can help answer some of Dan's questions.

Dan compares the firestorm of reaction to Limbaugh's aborted NFL venture to Sterling's continued status as an Owner in Good Standing. (to be fair, Sure, Don Sterling has paid out millions for the appearance of being racist; Rush Limbaugh vomits his racism all over anyone who listens to him. I think there is a difference--Sterling pays millions to hide his racism; Limbaugh gets paid millions to air his.)

Dan asks: "So, where’s the outrage?"

Easy answer there--it's probably lurking under the surface for some players, and some owners, and maybe even the commissioner. But what can you do? Force an owner to divest his stock in the team? Demand a new owner take over? Has that happened in the modern era of any sport? I can't think of it. Until Warren Buffett comes in and makes an offer to Don Sterling, the Clippers will be owned by a racist.

Dan asks: "If [NBA commissioner David Stern is] so concerned with his player’s off-court attire, why not his owners’ off-court business?"

Dan is a knowledgeable and veteran sportswriter. He knows the answer to that one. A commissioner's job was once upon a time to police owners. But it isn't anymore. The Commissioner serves at the pleasure of the owners. Sure, Stern will criticize Mark Cuban for castigating referees, but his main job is to keep players in line, not to keep an eye on what the owners do during their day jobs. The day Stern does that, he'll get forced out of his job. Bashing players for wearing headphones is a lot easier, and doesn't get a commissioner fired from what is a pretty cushy, crazily well-compensated gig.

Dan points out: "Coincidentally, long before Stern became commissioner, he was a young lawyer who worked for the good guys on housing discrimination cases in New Jersey." The tacit question there is--where is that young lawyer who cared about housing discrimination cases in New Jersey?

Answer: He sold out and became a shill for billionaires. Barring some sort of Freaky Friday/ Christmas Carol type of review of his life, Stern isn't going to let his principles get in the way of letting Donald Sterling run the Clippers into the ground over and over again for the rest of his natural life.

Jim Petersen Weighs in on Oleksiy Pecherov

There has much discussion over just how much Minnesota Timberwolf Oleksiy Pecherov looks like Stewie from Family Guy. The reason for that discussion could be described in length, but this is one of those moments when a picture is worth a thousand words:

But Jim Petersen, former NBA'er and current Timberwolves color commentator begs to differ. Here he is expounding on who he thinks Oleksiy resembles:

That's fine and good. (Briefly, we should mention that Pecherov had his best offensive game of his career tonight, putting in 24 points and grabbing 8 boards). It seems that Petersen honestly thinks he delivering a compliment, but let's face it. Even a young Donald Sutherland, Academy Award winner or no, isn't not exactly the most handsome guy on the planet.

Nice Rumor-Mongering, Pro Football Talk

Last night, Pro Football Talk reported "rumors" were "flying" about how someone had floated the possibility of the NFL Players striking ahead of next year's capless year and 2011's feared lockout by the owners. Perhaps, the invisible rumor mongers said, the players would illegally strike during the playoffs of this year. The article reeks of bullshit--of the PFT being taken for a ride (perhaps willingly?) by some sketchy management source.

The sheer lack of even a "Anonymous Source In the NFLPA" makes it seem all the more suspicious. This is as close as a source PFT ever gets: "The mere fact that the rumor is being floated -- not necessarily by union leadership -- speaks to the level of frustration that many of the players currently are feeling."

What do we know about the people who are throwing these reckless ideas? Essentially, nothing. But I can't imagine a single player who would think this is a good idea. I would expound at length at the obvious bullshit of the piece, but I don't have to, because Adalius Thomas already did one awesome job of it. He's quoted by Jason Cole of Yahoo Sports thusly: "To be blunt, it’s a flat-out, bald-faced, capital-letters lie," Thomas said when asked about a report Tuesday by Profootballtalk.com that there has been discussion of a strike. "We’re not the ones who are interested in not playing. We want to play. We’re not going on strike. We signed this [collective bargaining] agreement and we’re fine with it. We’re happy. We don’t want to stop playing football."

Later, Thomas continues, "Reporters act like we’re the ones who opted out of the agreement and that’s not true. We’re not the ones who wanted to opt out. We’re happy with the agreement. We want to continue the agreement the way it is. We’re fine...We’re not interested in a strike. There might be a lockout, not a strike. A lockout by the owners."

Well said, Mr. Thomas. And shame on Pro Football Talk for what is on its face bullshit, and more than likely, the product of some cocaine fueled fantasy of some midlevel management flunky. I call shenanigans!

Reminder: Donald Sterling Is a Dick

LA Clippers owner, and all-around dick Donald Sterling settled out of court yesterday, pending the approval of the judge hearing the housing discrimination case. The Sterling family denied, as part of the agreement, any wrong doing, which makes sense. I know I always pay 2.725 million dollars in damages (most damages ever in such a case) when I do nothing wrong.

It sounds like the case was just about to get to the point where the Sterlings (Donald and his wife) were going to have a hard time denying what they are kind of able to deny now. LA Times says:

"In court filings, Justice Department lawyers presented evidence that the Sterlings made statements 'indicating that African Americans and Hispanics were not desirable tenants and that they preferred Korean tenants' occupy buildings they owned in Koreatown.

Had the case gone to trial, an expert would have testified that an analysis of the Sterlings' rental practices in Koreatown revealed that they rented to far fewer African Americans and Hispanics than would be expected, based on demographics. "

I'd say that a fair punishment would be to make the Clippers a Korean-only team. But that probably wouldn't affect them the way it would other teams. Because they already suck, see. Get it?