Balls To The Wall

Newly-enthroned Bill Parcells fired Coach Cam "Cam" Cameron, in a move that surprised nobody. Taking over this week, Parcells has gone "Balls To The Wall" in rebuilding the Dolphins in his image. The Dolphins finished 2007 with one win. Though racked with injuries, the Dolphins' languor on offense was the primary factor for dismissing Cam after one year, and will usher in their fifth head coach in five years.

Cam was brought in from the Chargers' 2006 offense to pump up the Dolphins pudding-esque attack. Shockingly, RB Ronnie Brown was leading the NFL in yards from scrimmage before he was injured beyond repair in Week 7. With QB Trent "Permanent Brain Damage" Green suffering permanent brain damage and WR Chris Chambers cleverly traded away midseason, the Dolphins will have the #1 draft pick next year.

Obviously, Cam never had a chance. Remember, Cam was the coordinator behind the 2006 Chargers 14-2 season. He called the Bumarooski, one of the most jaw-dropping playcalls in the history of professional football. It scored a TD.

I'm not an apologist for Cam, but consider Cam's Chargers versus Nerfneck Turner's Chargers. With the same personnel, last year's Chargers ran for 544 more yards, passed for 416 more yards and scored 80 more points.

Parcells and Ireland will likely hire Cowgirls assistant Head Coach Tony Sparano, last seen eating a sausage-and-peppers sub at the Bada-bing. I'd look for Parcells to continue to go "Balls To The Wall" as we head into free agency, jettisoning the journeymen who have called the Dolphins home for the last four years (20 wins, 44 losses).

German gay metal band Accept, creators of the 1984's anthemic "Balls To The Wall," explains: "We've always been interested in politics and in human rights and things like that, so a lot of the lyrics that we had in those days, and to the end actually, were dealing with human rights, for instance, and that's really what 'Balls To The Wall' is all about."

The connection between the new Parcells regime and Accept's song are revealed in these lyrics:

"Build a wall with the bodies of the dead - and you're saved
Make the world scared - come on, show me the sign of victory
Sign of victory - sign of victory

You better watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your

Balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall."