Friday, October 24, 2008

I Know Who You Are, Joe Maddon

Some people have looked at Joe Maddon's hipster glasses (see below) and think they know who Joe Maddon is. They know, somehow, that Joe Maddon is an effete intellectual who is only wearing a baseball cap from a Florida team for ironic value, despite the fact that he manages said team.

That's a silly idea, but one I bought into. Look at the glasses! Look at the ironic Tampa Bay Baseball Cap! Who, outside of Rivers Cuomo, would wear both of those things together?

But the truth, the real truth, the actual truth, is much more insidious.

Joe Maddon is a time traveler, and his name isn't Joe Maddon.

Consider the facts, my friends:

1. "Maddon" isn't a real name. It is spelled Madden. Duh.
2. Tampa Bay traded with Minnesota, a hotbed of National Public Radio.
s3. Joseph Maddon is almost an anagram for something else.
4. If you give Joseph Maddon a weird middle name, like Aloysius, or Ebenezer, it gives you a lot more letters to make an anagram with.
5. Joseph Aloysius Maddon is almost an anagram for "Past National Radio Host"
6. No one has given me a copy of "Joe Maddon's" Birth Certificate; therefore it does not exist.

Conclusion: Joe Maddon is not a real live person in the here and now. He is a time traveler from the future. We know him in our present as NPR Host, Ira Glass.


Ira Glass:

"Joe Maddon" or, Ira Glass + 30 years.

1 comment:

Ms. Rhode said...

Ira Glass makes me sigh.