Wednesday, March 04, 2009

The Biggiest Big 10 Game in Recent Memory

updated and corrected:  Thanks to you kind deadspinners who pointed out my brain fart.

You may have been distracted by the big results (and upsets) in the Big 12 games tonight--what with Texas Tech somehow destroying Kansas, and Missouri beating Oklahoma.  And I'll say a couple of things about those games right now--Kansas was in a classic trap situation--they blew the doors off a Top 15 team in Missouri earlier this week; they were playing an unranked, not great team, and they played down to the level of their competition.  Missouri was rebounding from an embarrassing loss (at the hands of Kansas).  I watched that loss at Kansas, and Missouri missed countless lay-ups.  Missouri has not lost at home all Big 12 season.  Beating Oklahoma is an upset, but not as big of one as you might have suspected had you only seen them get their asses kicked by Kansas.

But let's get to the Biggiest Big 10 Game.  Please note:  "Biggiest" is not a typo.  I mean that as a term for a game that isn't the biggest in the conference, but rather one that typifies that conference as well as any game could.  In the Big East, it could be that Pitt vs UConn game that Andrew blogged about earlier.  In the Big 10, it is all about clumsy physical play in the paint, hard-working white guys who get floorburns and then get to play in the NBA way too long (please see Cardinal, Brian) and sporadic guard play.  Please note that the best team in the Big 10--Michigan State--doesn't play Big 10 ball.  Yes, they have a big goofy white guy (Goran Suton) like every team in Big 10.  But Raymar Morgan?  He belongs in the Big East.  Their backcourt of Kalin Lucas and Travis Walton could be a classic ACC backcourt.  

So, finally--Minnesota and Wisconsin played in the Biggiest Big 10 conference game I've seen in awhile.  I could throw a lot of stats at you (and I will) but here's the simplest one.  The halftime score was 16-23.  'Nuff said.  There have been games this year--a lot of games--when one player has scored as many points in a half as either Wisconsin or Minnesota managed in that half.  
For some reason, the wire services have refused to call a spade a spade and just admit that Big 10 offense is ugly.  It can't all be defense, right?

Here are some fun stats.  Minnesota, the winning team, shot 19-46 from the field, including 1-8 as a team outside the arc.  Only big man Ralph Samson III (2-4) and Lawrence Westbrook (4-8) managed to shoot .500.  No one shot better than that.  As a team, they had 9 assists, and 10 turnovers.  That's awful.  The Gophers only had 4 more made field goals than they did personal fouls.  And again, they won the game.

Consider, if you will, the horrible Biggy Big Ten play of The Badgers.  Wisconsin shot 15-45.  From 3-point land, they shot 7-20.  Here's the scary part--take out goggley-eyed Karl Marcus Landry, and those numbers drop to 8-33 (24%) and 3-13, respectively.  That's really, really poor shooting.  Fellow, occasional blogger and Wisconsin fan barnyard does not care for Badger point guard Travon Hughes.  After his performance in this game, I can not blame him for that--forget the huge turnover at the end of the game, consider his numbers for the entire game:  2-12 (1-7 3-pt); 4 assists, 3 turnovers.  But really, when a team has 3 more fouls (18) than made Field Goals (15) they are shitty on both ends of the court, and you can't just blame one guy.

Honestly, after all that--I think we all need and deserve some Bo Ryan Hambone again.


Jess said...

A score of 23-16 at halftime clearly indicates a barn-burner.

Garwood B. Jones said...

No more "barn" puns, Wayne Laravee.

Garwood B. Jones said...

After watching that painful, painful game last night I had the following nightmare. Hannibal Lecter appeared before me and asked, "Tell me Garwood, do you still hear the jumpshots clanging?"

At least he told me that he couldn't smell my cunt. Whew.

Jess said...

Damn Garwood, you sure know how to pick the most stinging of insults.

I wondered a few times during the game if my neighbors would think I was being tortured, what with my anguished shrieks at all the missed shots. And really, it kind of was torture.

Anonymous said...

It's Marcus Landry, you idiot.

Anonymous said...

first time on this blog and last time unless deadspin links again -- real credible story... get your names right. *marcus landry... karl has been in the NBA for several years...

Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening said...

thank you kindly anonymous gentlemen! The suggested edit has been made!

Lillian Wey said...

You are a class act BBM.

Garwood B. Jones said...

An open letter to the kindly anonymous person:

Dear sir or madam,

As an occasional contributor to this free, entertainment based blog, I appreciate your commitment to excellence and second your disgust, nay abhorrence, at the slap-dash, half-assed "fact-checking" that goes on here. I often turn to random, sarcasm-laden sources to inform me on all matters of goings on in the world and I am consistently irate at the sheer idiocy I find.

Recently I was at researching feline diabetes and imagine my shock to find a treatise imploring humans to feed cats Manwich brand sloppy joes. Not only is the very idea preposterous, the mentally challenged charlatans had misspelt joes (there is an "e" in joes lolcat, and it is silent. Idiot.). I digress, but you of all people get my point.

It is not often that one finds another like-minded soul out there in this mixed up universe that shares my brio for accuracy on the interwebs. As such I would like to invite you to a new forum that I am setting up to demand accuracy on these interwebs. I have already invited several luminaries to participate including ABC news personality Greg Stephanopolous, computer mogul Biff Gates, and former SNL comedienne Tracy Morgan. Please join us and hopefully together we can eliminate the scourge of erratum and solecism that runs rampant on the web. The address for the forum is Please join us!

Yours in perpetual douchebaggery,

Garwood B. Jones.

btobes said...

im a huge badger fan and that was by far the worst first half of basketball i have ever watched, completely sloppy play and just awful shooting. however you failed to mention that the badgers hung tough and put up a solid 30 spot in the second half. if not for some terrible decisions down the stretch, bad turnovers and shooting 3s when down 1, the badgers come away with a big road win. Yes the big ten is at times slow, boring and sometimes unbearable to watch (even as a die hard fan), it is the hard nose defense and slow paced offensive schemes that causes the low scoring not the overall skill of the players, especially true of in conference games. If you watched a lot of college basketball you would realize that big ten teams can match up with the rest of the country in out of conference and post season play.

Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening said...

Historically, btobes, I would agree with you that the rugged physical nature of the Big 10 helps teams come March.

What you (and many others) are maybe not noticing, is that the Big 10 is not very good this year. I wouldn't be surprised if Michigan St is the only Big 10 to survive the first four days of the Tournie.

I could be wrong. But I'll be betting than I'm right.